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oh_what_can_it_meanRelevant bits of this AU's history:
34 BBY: [Ara is 25/16 ⅔, Andken is 6/4] First interaction of Andken and Ara, Andken's creche group takes a trip to the Archives and then-Padawan Ara sees him and runs for the 'fresher because she knows who this is at a glance, because he looks like Jork, the worst of the Bad Men from The Library Kidnapping. After she calms down, she asks to have a talk with Master Jo, Andken, one of his docents, Ara's therapist, and a therapist for Andken, and they do the best they can to explain to Andken that his presence reminds Ara of painful times, and that's not his fault, but it'd be kind of him to avoid her. Andken's a good kid, and he does avoid Ara, because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, even if he doesn't understand what's going on. This state of affairs continues for about two years. Ara even sees him do a dive roll to get out of the way once, and she starts to see a sweet Jedi kid, not the person he resembles.
>> After she's knighted, she even notices, out of the corner of her eye, how much he likes to read, how respectful he is of library materials, that he doesn't shout or run through the Archives. She's nowhere near ready for an apprentice, but she does muse in the privacy of her own mind that it'd be nice to not spend "grav time" alone all the time. [Ara has to spend at least a third of her time in Sphinxian gravity to maintain her heavy-worlder bone density and muscle mass, and because these are germ-line gene edits, Andken needs that too.]
32 or 31 BBY: [Ara is 28ish/18ish, Andken is 9ish/6ish, Anakin is 10/baseline human] Anakin gets moved from Qui-Gon Jinn's quarters to the Initiate Dorms. He makes friends with Andken (initially over having such similar names), and when the private meetings with Palpatine start, Anakin talks about his friend Andken and his weird experience with this one librarian, and in a later meeting Palpatine has figured out who the librarian was and learned about The Library Kidnapping, and tells Anakin that now-Knight Melnau is Andken's "real" mother. Anakin misses his mother, and thinks that hey, at least my friend can spend time with his mom. Anakin doesn't pick up on Palpatine's manipulation (of course not, he's ten), so he and Andken mean well, but each time Ara runs away or asks them to go away, each time these Force-sensitive kids feel Ara's nausea when Andken calls Ara "Mom," they just think that she needs to get to know her kid. Ara's frustrated and re-traumatized with each "jump scare," as she calls them. She doesn't want to be the one to explain to these kids what kind of memories they're triggering, so she talks to their docents and makes notes in their permanent records for each instance of explicitly unwanted contact. She also makes changes in her own life to try to mitigate the harm the jump scares cause (spending the night with Drallig often wears her out and leads to dreamless sleep, or stocking up on nutrient shakes from the Healer Halls so that nightmares that makes her sick will feel less gross, meditating more to hopefully have more calm when the jump scares happen, seeking advice from trusted Masters), but considering the permanently life-changing nature of the original trauma, there's not a whole hell of a lot she can do.
The bit of actual story:
Edit, 2/16/25: It was Palpatine, using Dark Side midi-chlorian manipulation. I had a vague memory of this comic bit from Tumblr, but it hadn't occurred to me when I was trying to figure out a solution to Ara's crisis of faith (seriously, it took me months to figure out the "conceived by the Dark Side" thing, because otherwise how could she continue to serve a Light Side that would do that?). It was only reading this Tumblr text post that made me remember it and look it up.
I don't think Ara will ever know for sure that she halfway stumbled onto the right answer (she thought it was the Dark Side on its own, not a Dark Side user), but now I have to consider how she'd react when she did. It'd definitely depend on the timeline and Ara's age and experiences.
34 BBY: [Ara is 25/16 ⅔, Andken is 6/4] First interaction of Andken and Ara, Andken's creche group takes a trip to the Archives and then-Padawan Ara sees him and runs for the 'fresher because she knows who this is at a glance, because he looks like Jork, the worst of the Bad Men from The Library Kidnapping. After she calms down, she asks to have a talk with Master Jo, Andken, one of his docents, Ara's therapist, and a therapist for Andken, and they do the best they can to explain to Andken that his presence reminds Ara of painful times, and that's not his fault, but it'd be kind of him to avoid her. Andken's a good kid, and he does avoid Ara, because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, even if he doesn't understand what's going on. This state of affairs continues for about two years. Ara even sees him do a dive roll to get out of the way once, and she starts to see a sweet Jedi kid, not the person he resembles.
>> After she's knighted, she even notices, out of the corner of her eye, how much he likes to read, how respectful he is of library materials, that he doesn't shout or run through the Archives. She's nowhere near ready for an apprentice, but she does muse in the privacy of her own mind that it'd be nice to not spend "grav time" alone all the time. [Ara has to spend at least a third of her time in Sphinxian gravity to maintain her heavy-worlder bone density and muscle mass, and because these are germ-line gene edits, Andken needs that too.]
32 or 31 BBY: [Ara is 28ish/18ish, Andken is 9ish/6ish, Anakin is 10/baseline human] Anakin gets moved from Qui-Gon Jinn's quarters to the Initiate Dorms. He makes friends with Andken (initially over having such similar names), and when the private meetings with Palpatine start, Anakin talks about his friend Andken and his weird experience with this one librarian, and in a later meeting Palpatine has figured out who the librarian was and learned about The Library Kidnapping, and tells Anakin that now-Knight Melnau is Andken's "real" mother. Anakin misses his mother, and thinks that hey, at least my friend can spend time with his mom. Anakin doesn't pick up on Palpatine's manipulation (of course not, he's ten), so he and Andken mean well, but each time Ara runs away or asks them to go away, each time these Force-sensitive kids feel Ara's nausea when Andken calls Ara "Mom," they just think that she needs to get to know her kid. Ara's frustrated and re-traumatized with each "jump scare," as she calls them. She doesn't want to be the one to explain to these kids what kind of memories they're triggering, so she talks to their docents and makes notes in their permanent records for each instance of explicitly unwanted contact. She also makes changes in her own life to try to mitigate the harm the jump scares cause (spending the night with Drallig often wears her out and leads to dreamless sleep, or stocking up on nutrient shakes from the Healer Halls so that nightmares that makes her sick will feel less gross, meditating more to hopefully have more calm when the jump scares happen, seeking advice from trusted Masters), but considering the permanently life-changing nature of the original trauma, there's not a whole hell of a lot she can do.
The bit of actual story:
This takes place three or four months after Anakin starts living in the Initiate Dorms. He's made friends with Andken Woolmati (LNF) and had a few conversations with Palpatine, and then the jump scares start. (By the "jump scares" I mean that the boys pop up where Ara is working--or eating, or doing anything in a public space that initiates have access to--and start trying to ingratiate themselves while Andken calls Ara "Mom" and re-traumatizes her.)
At some point, it's pointed out to Ara that the Force/midi-chlorians didn't communicate with Shmi Skywalker before she became pregnant with Anakin, likely by Anakin himself.
Anakin: "The Force didn't ask my mom, she just had me and raised me because that's what moms do!"
And then Ara has a major crisis of faith.
12/27/24: Ara will ask Master Tahl to ask Master Jinn and get the exact quote:Qui-Gon Jinn: "The Force is unusually strong with him. That much is clear. Who was his father?"
Shmi Skywalker: "There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can't explain what happened."
>> After that, Ara will take a leave of absence (this is before becoming Eller's assistant, that'll happen sometime between ATLL and FF) and spend about two months in deep conversation with monks and nuns about how could the Force just use Shmi Skywalker the way the Bad Men used her during The Library Kidnapping? Is the Force a rapist? Can the Force do something immoral? (Does the Force doing it make it moral?) According to Jinn's account of the conversation, there's no indication that there's a memory of Anakin being sired to begin with, just an apparent realization that she was pregnant, so there's no memory of an assault (at least not in the case of the midi-chlorians/the Force in this instance), but there's also clearly no mention of the midi-chlorians/the Force asking permission to use Shmi's body to carry this possible Chosen One to term and to just raise him like it was normal.
>> By the end of the second month, she's had some good conversations about the nature of the Force and learned a lot about the clergy, but the sometimes-circular conversation is starting to feel pretentious, like she might disappear up her own ass at any time. She doesn't come to a conclusion, and she leaves the small group of monks and nuns that been a discussion group still discussing, but her best guess is that the Light side of the Force wouldn't hijack a woman's body without her permission, but the Dark side just might. Nobody else likes this guess, but it's the only thing that pulls Ara out of her spiral.
Edit, 2/16/25: It was Palpatine, using Dark Side midi-chlorian manipulation. I had a vague memory of this comic bit from Tumblr, but it hadn't occurred to me when I was trying to figure out a solution to Ara's crisis of faith (seriously, it took me months to figure out the "conceived by the Dark Side" thing, because otherwise how could she continue to serve a Light Side that would do that?). It was only reading this Tumblr text post that made me remember it and look it up.
I don't think Ara will ever know for sure that she halfway stumbled onto the right answer (she thought it was the Dark Side on its own, not a Dark Side user), but now I have to consider how she'd react when she did. It'd definitely depend on the timeline and Ara's age and experiences.
